Waiting
by Roo1965
Summary: Jim waits anxiously for Sandburg to come back and tell him what he's decide after the diss debacle and the badge offer...set s4 TS by BS. Gen. written July 2007.


**Waiting by Roo**

A/N: angst.set: TS by BS Season: 4

Summary: Jim waiting on tenterhooks- for Sandburg to come back and tell him what he's decided to do after the diss and badge thing….

* * *

Waiting.

He hated this kind of waiting. Jeez, but his stomach was all tied up in knots. He should be used to waiting; at least he had a deadline. How many times had he sat on surveillance? How many times had he waited dug in, blacked up, rifle in hand deep in enemy territory or hovering in a helo over a drop zone?

He breathed out slowly and tried to relax. Even that reminded him of Sandburg…

Yeah right.

_Relax_.

As if.

How could he when Sandburg had bugged out needing some space to make the most important decision of his young life?

He stood on the balcony looking out over Cascade, the neon and street lights making patterns in the night.

Jim worried. How could he not? He silently vowed to support Sandburg in whatever he chose to do. He owed the guy that much. A little selfishly he hoped they could remain friends after all this was over…dammit, don't be so maudlin Ellison. He was a complete and utter wuss.

Jim had told Sandburg to his face that he'd agree to whatever Sandburg decided, he couldn't back out now. He hoped that Sandburg still trusted _him_and his word. Jim had certainly put his friend through a lot with his bad reaction to the thesis being suddenly published. Jim had stomped about like a spoilt child- he'd been hurt that Blair hadn't thought to tell him this pertinent fact. Then he'd been scared of the press attention. All he wanted to be was a cop. Jim realised now that he couldn't stuff the genie back into the bottle. But he hated the way seemingly overnight people treated him like a freak, as if that was all he was. As if he'd cheated being a cop…

Jim never gave a thought to his friend's distress- the arguments with Naomi, incandescent phone calls to the so called publisher as he tried to de rail the uncontrollable train wreck that had been set in motion without his permission.

Sandburg had ultimately made the greater sacrifice. Jim couldn't believe his eyes at the live TV announcement he caught at the station. You could have knocked him over with a feather. Blair Sandburg had given up his reputation and lost his cherished job as well. Jim vowed to make things right if he could…if Sandburg would let him.

The phone rang shattering the silence.

Sandburg!

Jim turned and hurriedly limped to the lounge. Sandburg said he would be back tonight. Oh, God was he already booked on a gig in Timbuktu? No, that was unfair.

"Ellison."

"Hey, big brother."

"Steven." Jim couldn't keep the tone of disappointment out of his voice…

"Yeah, just thought I'd check and see how you were doing."

"Fine." _Get off the phone…_

"Sure? You sound a little… your leg okay?"

"Fine."

"Your boss and co workers okay?"

"Recovering nicely."

"Well, alright then." Steven ran out of conversation, worn down by the clipped answers. "I'll leave you to it then."

"Bye."

Jim felt bad for making Steven feel the brunt of his brittle mood. He frowned, yet another person he'd have to make it up to later.

His leg ached. He'd been standing on it too much and too long the last day or so. Sandburg would tell him off, and rightly so.

Which way was Blair going to go? Become his official partner by going to the Police Academy? And if not that, then did Jim still want to be a cop? There had to be a better way to utilise both their skills. Sandburg could probably come up with another option he hadn't considered. Jim could count on him to surprise him in some way; he was nothing if not creative.

The way he looked at it right this minute, both of them had had their squeaky clean images tarnished. His 'sort of' remained intact; there would be plenty of Cascade PD and criminal wannabee's out to make life hard for him. He could be stuck in IA investigations and being sued for wrongful arrests til he was ninety. People would either believe the earlier reports on his senses or then wonder if it was true or not. Sandburg's on the other hand was gone forever. He'd confessed he lied. No one in academia would want him to even organise their laundry lists…

How bad had things gotten between them and how much would it affect Sandburg's decision? He winced as he remembered accusing Sandburg of being in it for the money and publicity; his PhD. Jim knew he'd been a poor excuse for a friend. He had a bad habit of not listening or giving Sandburg any chance to explain.

Whatever Sandburg decided, Jim realised they still needed to talk things out- clear the air between them once and for all without it turning into a shouting match. If Sandburg was going to leave for pastures new, Jim could not leave things bad between them.

Frustrated with his whirling thoughts, he limped back into the kitchen for some water for his pills and something to eat, though he was in no mood to enjoy what he ate. He had to keep a normal routine. He really couldn't fall apart so easily, he did not want to guilt his Guide into staying just because he couldn't taste his food. Jim wouldn't tell him…well, not just yet.

Jim yawned widely, damn but he was tired. It had been one hell of a few weeks. All that running around on adrenaline for the union boss and being pissed off, his friends shot, his own minor wound and Sandburg imploding…No wonder he was wiped, he thought as he moved to the couch. It was too quiet. He clicked the TV on and channel surfed.

By the time his sluggish brain registered that he'd fallen asleep and that something woke him, he'd missed the key in the lock and the tread of Sandburg's feet. Suddenly Sandburg was standing in front of the couch, blocking the muted flickering TV. Jim looked up at him. He didn't look ecstatically happy, but not miserable either. Jim thought he looked calm. He hoped that was good.

"Chief?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fell asleep." _Well d'uh, wake up Ellison!_

"I can see that."

"So…?" Jim asked warily clearing his throat, wondering if he dare ask, dare push…

Blair suddenly smiled and sat down opposite him.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking…and I think I know what I want to happen next."

"Okay."

"Man, you guys sure had me at a loss for words the other day, that badge thing, my mom at the PD…" Sandburg sighed and shook his head in remembrance. He looked at Jim again. "Let me explain what I've decided …."

The End


End file.
